u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
