I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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