just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
