My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
