i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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