in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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