Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
