We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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