So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
