Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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