What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
