I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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