Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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