So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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