you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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