well I can't set my house on fire every night
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So many bounce houses so little time
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
