Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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