the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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