I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize