I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
