Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
