glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
