Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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