Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
