I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
