i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
