somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
