im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
