I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
it was like eating out sand paper
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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