Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
