It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
