i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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