why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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