the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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