In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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