vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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