The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
