Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Randomize
