I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
