I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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