I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
