The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
