Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I pour the whiskey from now on
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize