I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you didnt know i had herpes?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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