come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
