i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize