Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm getting married
To pizza
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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