Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
