all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
