I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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