I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
