you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
