well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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