fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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