it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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