:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
