youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
