arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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