I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize