it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
