Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
