So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
