worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
