I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
