Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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