Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
