I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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