Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
