Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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