I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
honey bunches of taint.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
