Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just gift wrapped bread.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
