i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Drunk is a universal language darling
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
