he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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