If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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