You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
