so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
