Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
