Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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