Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
the day after is always just damage control
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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