You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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