I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
