Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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